96 - [AUDACIOUS TAKE] Speaking Louder Won't Get Your Voice Heard

In this episode, we cover: 

• How to use your voice to be heard not to just be loud
• Permission to change your mind
• How to balance expressing your thoughts and listening to others

Remember that, you are worthy. You have value. You get to take up space in this world simply because you exist. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convenience you otherwise. If that idea or vision for your life is in you, then it is for you.

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Transcript

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Using Your Voice

Speaker 1 0:06

Hi and welcome to the have the Audacity podcast , where we are all about living our own version of our best life . My name is Jacey . I'm a multi-passionate human obsessed with personal growth , and I want you to come on this journey with me , where we share our stories and learn tools , tips and tricks to live the life we were always meant to live . So let's lean into the uncomfortable celebrator highs and embrace our lows , because all of it's important . It may get a little messy , but it's time to have the audacity . Hey , audacious Human , I am so glad that you're here today and December episodes if you're listening to this in real time have been very fiery lately and I'm loving it . This new energy and things and your responses to it have just been amazing . So today I wanted to share something because I want to bring even more stories and things I've been navigating in real life . I want to talk to you about using your voice and not being afraid to in what that evolution looks like . You know , in episode 95 , I talked about how I reminded you that you are not watering yourself down to make other people comfortable , because if you're for everybody , then you're for no one . And so we're not . We don't have time , lives too short to be watering ourselves down for people . And so I want to talk to you today about using your voice and how this has happened and how I was terrified to start using my voice Like I like major people pleasing vibes and I and now I just do it , and probably sometimes not when I shouldn't , but no , I just do Like I don't care , like I can be outspoken and it is what it is .

Speaker 1 2:11

I think this was always in me and when I was younger , my mom will tell me stories about how I would speak my mind very unfiltered . And you know , in the conditioning of society , like as a whole , especially with women , we're taught and I say conditioning from like media , other people in society , like the whole gamut of things from all angles . We are hit with that . We need to stay quiet and standardly and if you use your voice and if you disagree , then you're difficult . If a man disagrees , then wow , he stands for something , he's an opinion , he's an independent thinker . When a woman disagrees , she's difficult , and I'm not going to go down that rabbit hole today , but it's true . And so for a long time there was a period in my life where I didn't speak my mind and didn't disagree because I didn't want to be labeled as difficult , and I realized like every time I didn't speak up , I was betraying part of myself , and you do that enough times .

Speaker 1 3:24

It adds up and you know that was one of the culminating factors that I talk about when I share where I was in 2020 when I was having multiple panic attacks a day and sitting on my closet floor having panic attacks and just getting home from school , teaching in , trying to change clothes , and like I remember this early this moment , I was hanging up a shirt that I had worn to work that day , because where it closed , you don't wash all the time I digress . But I'm hanging up the shirt , my closet , and I'm like , all of a sudden , I can't breathe . Like I remember , like saying out loud to myself like I can't breathe , I can't breathe . And then I'm sitting on the floor in my closet Having a panic attack and having to talk myself through it and Having to tell myself like no , you can breathe in through your nose , out through your mouth , like hold it in for breathe in for three , hold it for three , out for three , hold it in . Doing box breath and trying to calm down and work myself through this and , while there's a lot there that got to that moment , a Piece of it was that I had betrayed myself so much over an extended period of time and I had started in the last like Year and a half , two years prior to that moment in time starting to use my voice , being terrified to use my voice and Worried about whether people are going to think but trying to and very like dip your toe in the water type of ways that I Started becoming more uncomfortable with where I was in my life and the whole .

Speaker 1 5:09

I mean there's a whole lot there , but that was a piece of it was betraying myself , not using my voice . It was around this time I also , like the year prior , had started in 2019 , had found podcasts and started listening to podcasts and Really dove in and was really something like podcasting is in my future . I don't know what it looks like , I don't know what it's going to be , but like podcasting is in my future . I have things to say and the more I started talking with my friends and actually expressing my opinions and expressing my thoughts , the more it was coming up and I sat on this podcast for years .

Speaker 1 5:50

For years I sat on this idea and Because I was scared to use my voice , which is ironic because I grew up singing on stages . I Love it . Give me a microphone , give me some music , let me sing . I sang in front of hundreds of people and I loved it . I also spent thousands of hours , literally thousands , singing to an imaginary stadium full of people in my bedroom Well past the age that it's societally acceptable to share . But I Was like I'll sing in front of people all the time , but talking in front of people , no , thank you . That makes me nervous .

Speaker 1 6:37

But really I was scared to use my voice , in the sense that I was scared to say what I thought and Not care . What if it made people uncomfortable ? Or two if they agreed with it like I don't , I don't care , I'm not in the business of convincing you that you should think what I think . I'm sharing my truth , I'm sharing my story , sharing what I've learned , what's worked for me . Take it or leave it . Take the parts that work for you , leave the parts that don't . But like , that was scary for me .

Speaker 1 7:09

And so I sat on this podcast idea for Literally years , and Then , the first time I recorded an episode , I Remember like sweating , like literally , I was sitting on my closet floor sweating like , oh my gosh , what , what am I doing ? And like that wasn't even as bad as like , oh , like clincher booty . That Moment that the first time I get published on the first episode , like oh , I just I just put that out there , but didn't you know what ? I showed back up the next week . I did it again . I showed back up the next week . I did it again and again , and again in over 52 weeks later . So yeah , I mean over 52 , but we're over a year into this , and here's just being yourself and being unapologetically dorky like this is me figuring it out

Empowered Voice Usage

Speaker 1 8:14

in real time .

Speaker 1 8:14

But , and over a year of doing this , I've like gotten bolder and bolder and I'm just like I'm gonna say what I want , like I don't care , I don't care , I don't care , because you need the permission slip and the reminder that you have a voice and you have something to say . So say it . Who cares ? We're not in the business of watering ourselves down or to make other people comfortable . We're not . It's not a responsibility for other people's opinions or or their Reactions towards it . It's not your responsibility . And so this even shows up . Now .

Speaker 1 8:55

I do build confidence and this happened even , you know , before the podcast started . Like I really like was building confidence and I Like disagreed with my boss In a respectable way . But I just shared my opinion and it was opposite of my boss's opinion and a lot of people Like , just like , largely in general , would be like you don't do that . You can disagree . But like , disagree quietly to yourself . Like no , I want to be respectful about it , but I respectfully disagree . But who does that ? Who does that ? No disrespect to my boss , I Love my boss . That's not it .

Speaker 1 9:40

But like You're a human , I'm human , I'm allowed to have an opinion . My boss is a human , allowed to have an opinion . We're allowed to have differing opinions . That's normal . It's the same with family members . Do you really get along with every single one of your family members all the time ? Like no , you have differing opinions . Do you still love each other ? Yes , do I mean ? I would think yes most of the time . Yes , you know there's Extenuating circumstances and that's not what I'm talking about here , but in general generalization , yes , you have co-workers . You're gonna have differing opinions . So what ? Like , you're allowed to say it . You're allowed to say your opinion . You're allowed to use your voice . You're allowed to share your experiences , your experience . Two people can have , go through the same situation and have come and will have totally different experiences and both are valid and both Deserved to be shared . Both are equally true . It's true to that person . So both people's voices need to be heard .

Speaker 1 10:42

I have a long believed , like for years . I'm talking like the last 10 to 12 years . I Realized , like 10 to 12 years ago in college that People are so busy I yelling to get their voice heard that they're not listening to the other person . Like , think about it , people are so often yelling to get their opinion heard and get their voice heard they're not even listening , so they're just shouting over each other . And that's not what I'm meaning by this conversation at all . Like no , you don't have people listening to you . You teach people how to treat you by how you treat them . So , like , as long as you're talking , listen . But then you also get to share your voice , even if it's different , even if you change your mind .

Speaker 1 11:47

Like talk about the cringe of time-hop and like Facebook memories , like ugh , the cringe in it , and everybody feels that way , like whether you're a celebrity . I listen to a podcast . I listen to a lot of podcasts . I was listening to a celebrity podcast and they were talking about how cringy some of their old stuff was . Or even I was listening to new heights of Travis Kelsey and like at this time , his like 2011 tweets are going viral and he was like I wish they could just be scrubbed from the internet because they're so cringe and I'm like literally it's universal . Nobody is safe from their past self version of themselves being cringy at moments , because you grow and you evolve and so you're allowed to change . That's part of it , too .

Speaker 1 12:45

Using your voice in an empowered way means that you listen to others , you respect others differing opinion from yours , because you know , not everybody has to have your opinion , so you know you don't have to everybody else's , and that's the beautiful part of the human experience . Like it would be so boring if we were all exactly the same and thought exactly the same things . That would be horrible . That would be so boring . People would say , like that's vanilla , but I like vanilla flavored ice cream , so I'm not gonna use that , but it would be very boring , there'd be nothing exciting about it . And so like this whole idea of like an empowered voice and using your voice from an empowered place is holding space for others , listening to others and standing firm and speaking in a way that you know that in this moment you feel great about it and you also hold and you know like you can change your mind later Like it's that space .

Speaker 1 13:56

The disempowered place is what I was talking about , that I feel like a lot of people speak from and when we think about using your voice and standing up like for yourself , in whatever way , we often think of this disempowered place because it happens so much where you're shouting over somebody else just to get your voice heard , you're not listening , you're only like somebody's talking and you're not actually listening to them .

Speaker 1 14:21

You're just thinking about what you're gonna say next . That's disempowered , using your voice from an empowered place and standing in your power . And rooted in your power is you can listen when the other person's talking . We all know for you're a human , I'm not alone in this . You've had conversations with people the whole time they're talking , you're not actually listening to them , you're just thinking about what you're gonna say next and then that happens you talk over them .

Speaker 1 14:48

Wishes for you and my hope and my motivation from having this whole conversation is that you will start to use your voice from an empowered place and Rest in the fact that you're not in the business of convincing people to think the same way you do , or it's not your responsibility or to make other people comfortable or or control how people react . It's your job to speak your truth in this moment and To have a space where you listen to others and also being empowered to know , if you're having a conversation and you speak your truth and using your voice and you don't agree with something and you know that other person is coming from a very disempowered place and they're not actually listening to you , is it from an empowered place that you walk away ? Not nothing good . It's gonna come from this conversation , so it's just done and not that's my hope for you in this is that you can walk away from this conversation or wherever you're listening to this , that you're like Dang , and somebody is coming to mind right now , or conversation you've had or you know you need to have is coming and you're like I Need to think about how I can come from this , from an empowered place and use my voice in a way that is empowered , because that changes everything . It really does .

Speaker 1 16:19

So , before you go . You know I have to remind you that I want you to always remember you are worthy , you have value , you get to take up space in this world simply because you exist . Don't let anyone , including yourself , convince you otherwise , and if that idea or vision for your life is in you , it is for you . I'm reading for you and I can't wait to talk to you soon . Thank you so much for listening . If you love this episode , I would love to hear from you , so share it on Instagram and tag me so I can personally thank you for getting this message out . I'm so grateful to have you on this journey with me . So until next time , remember to have the audacity .