Have the Audacity

[KEYNOTE] It's Time to Live Audaciously from the Women's Wellness Virtual Summit

Episode 124

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In this episode, we cover: 

  • You get to redefine what success looks like and you get to redefine it as many times as you want. 
  • You are allowed to celebrate and enjoy being on the mountain top.
  • It is okay to enjoy complements from others.

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Remember that, you are worthy. You have value. You get to take up space in this world simply because you exist. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convenience you otherwise. If that idea or vision for your life is in you, then it is for you.

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Speaker 1:

Can you believe they have the audacity? Welcome to the have the Audacity podcast. I'm your host, jc Waller. I'm on a mission to empower women like you to live audaciously. What does it mean to live audaciously, you ask? Living audaciously means you're no longer available for living your life based on someone else's agenda, standards or boundaries. It's time to activate your power, use your voice and create the life you're meant to live. So the next time someone asks, can you believe she had the audacity, you can look at them and say, yeah, I did. You can look at them and say, yeah, I did.

Speaker 1:

Hang on Dejah's human. I'm so glad that you're here for today's episode. So if you were here last episode, then you know I talked about lessons that I took away from my friend Kelly's Women's Wellness Summit. And if you're new here, hi, welcome, so glad that you're here. And previous episode I talked about my takeaways from my friend Kelly's Women's Wellness Summit and I had the opportunity at the summit to be a keynote speaker, and my friend Kelly was so gracious and gave me the audio so that I could share it with you all.

Speaker 1:

So we're going to jump in there. I'm going to toot my own horn. There are several good golden nuggets in here that I can't wait for you to hear. So for the first time and not the last time on the podcast, we're going to listen to my keynote from the Women's Wellness Virtual Summit. I'm so excited. Let's do it.

Speaker 2:

Okay. So JC, my sweet, dear friend, is next. She is geez, I would like to say a Jane of all trades. She's said that before. I mean she can do so many things, but I guess I just have to. I feel called to share this real quick before she shares with you.

Speaker 2:

About a week ago, a week or two ago, I was really struggling and the way that JC just is just who she is, I mean, if you know her many of you know her, which is a blessing. She is just always there for you. And we were chatting and she asked me how I was and it's like well, we were talking about you, like this is not about me, and she goes no, I asked you how you were doing. So she's like so I want to know, like you tell me how you're feeling. And I just the floodgates opened and I started sharing things with her. And I mean, many of you know that I am going through some transitions of you know, a new job or a new place in education, and just you know, like normal life, just trying to figure out the next stage and phase of my life.

Speaker 2:

And the way in which JC just was so there for me, so supportive, asked me so many like thought provoking questions. I told her, you know, as we were chatting, I was like God, I want to be more like you, I want to be able to think more in depth. You know about things the way you do. She just has this incredible gift to really help you tap into your mindset and what is blocking you and how you can get through those blockages to the other side. And so all that to say, this woman's absolutely phenomenal. Again, she's got so many things going on for her. I'll let her share how she wants to share all the things that she's currently doing and being. But I just I'm so excited to have JC here today, my sweet and dear friend, jc Lawler, so welcome, jc. I'm going to give you the stage. Let me stop sharing and it's. It's all yours, my friend.

Speaker 1:

Well, kelly, thank you so much for your sweet words and I truly appreciate it and I'm so honored to call you a friend. You know, like Amy touched on it, like you're just like you're such a champion for women and just creating this space it just really shows. And so just want to honor you for who you are, cause there's a lot of times that I like you and I'm like I want to be more like Kelly. She's just the most supportive, champion friend to have in a corner and so thank you for that. But, like Kelly said, my name is JC Lawler. I don't have slides Sam mentioned it in the chat but I'm an Enneagram 8. So I don't know if you know a lot about Enneagram. Enneagram eight so I don't know if you know a lot about Enneagram. Enneagram is kind of like the eight is like the rebel powerhouse. I'm also a Leo, so there's a lot of fire and that is like what I bring.

Speaker 1:

So to this and Kelly asked me to come on, I host my podcast is have the audacity, and so I've built this whole brand around the word audacity and really like taking ownership of it. In society we have such a negative connotation of like oh, can you believe she had the audacity to do that and we use it in such a negative way. But it's like why don't we own it and be like yes, like I have the audacity to do that, I have the audacity to set boundaries. I have the audacity to set boundaries, I have the audacity to live a life like my own way, and that is often very counter, cultural and different to anything that you see. And so Kelly asked me to come on and she was like hey, I need to come talk about mindset. And I was like, okay, great. Well, mindset is everything and anything and it's not sexy to talk about because it's like everybody's like oh no, there's not. Like a do X, y and Z and like you're fixed, that's better. Here's my five-step process to losing 20 pounds. Like, whatever it is. It's everything and anything, and the analogy I like to use for it is like a house. So your life is a house health, you know, amy just talked about different energies. They're all these pieces of it and they're all intricate and important and we need all of it. And your mindset is like the foundation. It is the nails holding the wood together, the framing together. It is the screws holding the hardware, it is the glue keeping your countertop on, like it is all of the things that keep it together and keep your house from falling apart, and the things in it. And so that's really.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know that for the longest time, cause we were like, oh yeah, okay, whatever, just tell me what actions I need to take and perfect. And I was that way. See, I am a very high achieving, I do a lot of things, I have multiple degrees, I accelerate and I'm very high functioning with depression and anxiety, to the point that nobody knows that I struggle with these things. I lived my life up until age 25. Let me check all the lists. Let me go to college my graduate high school straight A's. Let me go to college. My graduate high school straight A's. Let me go to college. Check, oh, I need to be a teacher because that's what everybody around me said I'd be good at, because I'm good at school. Okay, check, get the teaching degree. Land my job on the first interview. Go to grad school. Have a relationship, buy a house. Check, check, check, check Everything.

Speaker 1:

Society saying this is what success is, this is what a fulfilled life is, and on the inside it was dying and was so empty and I was like why am I doing these things that outwardly everybody is telling me to do, that all the quote unquote experts in life are telling me to do what I need to do and I'm not getting there? Like what's missing? And this really manifested itself in I was having anxiety attacks. So outside my life looks perfect. I was spending time before school on my classroom floor having panic attacks, like sitting under my desk before my kids walk in. I had one day where which was pretty much the end of it where I like had to pull a teacher in from the hall and said hey, come cover my class and like go into the bathroom and have a panic attack because I couldn't keep it off.

Speaker 1:

I was sitting on my kitchen floor, on my closet floor, like just crying, having these panic attacks, like I couldn't breathe. And I was sitting on my kitchen floor, on my closet floor, like just crying, having these panic attacks, like I couldn't breathe, and I was like why I did everything that I was supposed to do. I should have no reason to complain. I have no reason to feel the way I'm feeling, because I did everything everybody in my life said I needed to do to be successful and to be happy, and it wasn't until I realized that my mindset was so warped and the intention in which I was doing things was from the wrong place. I was in the best physical shape of my life and all of those things that we say like get your health in check. This is the foundation.

Speaker 1:

I was dying, and I just recently watched a documentary to know that I and I felt like I needed to share this because I know, like what's true for one is true for many, and we all know the Olympics is coming up and Simone Biles we all know who like she is and she made the Olympic team again this year and she has a documentary that came out talking about the Tokyo Olympics 2021. And she talks about how physical shape she's, at the top of her game. She has 37 world medals and we all watched what happened and the ridicule and backlash that she got from that for taking away from herself. And it wasn't until she realized like I'm not dealing with stuff, I'm not dealing with what's going on in here, and so wasn't until she realized, like I'm not dealing with stuff, I'm not dealing with what's going on in here, and so the rest of it's just going to fall apart.

Speaker 1:

Going back to if you don't have your frame nailed together correctly, if there's not brackets and braces holding things correctly, your house is going to collapse. And so that was where, from this point, that I really dove into mindset and personal development, and I don't want to sit here and say like I have all the answers. I'm going to share what's worked for me and some builders that I've found that I share with clients and others, that I want you to find what's true for you Because that's the end of this and really take away from this weekend from me, from Amy, from everybody that speaks after us and anybody else you listen to in the future what feels in alignment for you and what feels good for you, and leave the rest. Because trying to be like, oh, I need to be as outspoken and fiery as JC is, or I need to be like so-and-so I see on the internet, if only I could balance my energies as well, everything will be perfect for me. If I just live a life exactly like somebody else I'm seeing who looks like they have what I want, everything will be great. And that was where this whole having the audacity to live your own version of an audacious life came from. So what does that look like for you? So this filter that I use for everything is I had to figure out what I wanted and let me tell you, this process took time.

Speaker 1:

Again, mindset is the unglamorous thing that we need in life. But I went as far as like I don't even know who I am anymore. Like has anybody ever been there? Like drop a one in the chat If you're like. You've had a moment where you're like I don't even know who I am or what I want, and so like, yes, I see all the ones. Like it's a familiar thing.

Speaker 1:

I started at something so small to gain confidence in myself before I went to question the big things, cause we always going to be like, okay, what, what career am I? Am I meant to do? What am I meant for? Like we want to talk about the big things. Where am I supposed to live? Is this the person I'm supposed to be with? Like all these big things? Like start with the small I'm supposed to be with. Like all these big things, like, start with the small. So I literally looked at I love music. This was a great place for me to start.

Speaker 1:

I went through my songs slowly over time and I was like, do I like this song because I like this song? Or did I like this song because somebody I was friends with liked this song and I wanted them to like me? So I said I liked it and like that sounds so like trivial. But like, oh, is this popular? Like, do I like this because I like it? And I realized like there was some stuff I was like I actually don't really like this, I just my friends liked it. So I was like, okay, like I'm gonna like it too, and you don't notice all these little micro self-betrayals. This went to my clothes. I was like, do I wear this because so-and-so on the internet was wearing this, or this is what I think I'm supposed to wear, or am I wearing this because I want to the shoes that I'm wearing?

Speaker 1:

Like I went on all these little levels down to foods. I like Did I try this food because I wanted to and I like this meal? Or do I like it because I didn't feel safe growing up in my household and we like bonded around this food? But I actually really don't like it. I like the feeling that it gave me and it's like these micro self betrayals because we didn't get to a point where at any point in our life when we feel like, oh, what am I doing? Like you didn't just all of a sudden get there one day off one decision, it was all these micro decisions, and so to undo, it is the same way.

Speaker 1:

Start with the small. You build the self-confidence, your confidence changes you. Then, when you feel confident in these small things, then you have the confidence. You don't even think about these big decisions, because I was not always a person who could walk into a room and be like I'm not dealing with this, you're not going to talk to me this way. I wasn't strong enough to have boundaries. I was a big people, pleaser. My worth came from what other people thought of me, because I didn't know who I was, because I didn't take the time to, and that's not. If you're in that place, that's not your fault and there's no blame here.

Speaker 1:

Our society, especially with women, has structured it in a way for us to look outward and not inward, and so that was really what I wanted to like come in with today is what is true for you. So when you start looking at this, you hear people talking like, oh, is this, is this what I need right now? Would this help me or hurt me? Where am I at we? I loved how Amy described the like overflow and the overworked and like how we easily get there. Cause we're like, oh, I'm fitness is an easy example but you're like, okay, I need to do hit workouts every day. That's what so-and-so does on the internet, that's what I need to do. I want to have my finance goals, so I need to restrict and stop spending on everything.

Speaker 1:

We swing hard, hard over into the masculine and are like no, I'm going to be super rigid about this, which is why I did. And outwardly, you're going to look like great success, it's going to look great, but like is that sustainable, does it feel good? And is that actually what you want? And I think that is the hardest question to ask is what you really want? The hardest question to ask is what you really want? Because it's even as small is why this question is hard for us to answer is, if you're passing somebody, and I mean, like Kelly talked about the beginning and I was like, so glad she shared this, like this is such a good example I was like, hey, how are you doing?

Speaker 1:

I'm good, I'm fine. We're talking about you Like, how often? And I'm not saying that everybody deserves equal access to you, because I truly believe you know the people in your life that you can really open up and confide to. But how many times are those people that you're really close to ask like, hey, how are you doing? And you're doing bad? And you're like no, I'm good, I'm fine, I'm good, this isn't about me. It's like a small micro betrayal, and every time you do this like you're going to lose confidence in yourself. You're going to lose trust in yourself. And so that's when I was like. I was like no, kelly, I asked you how you're doing. Like, I want to know. Like, don't take the responsibility for my emotions. I asked you because I know I have the capacity to handle it.

Speaker 1:

And I started looking at this way differently and I became obnoxious to the people that are like close to my everyday life because I'm a teacher, so you pass in the hall and this will go for anywhere you work. You're like oh, hey, how are you doing? Like, hey, how are you? Like? Don't ask that question if you're not prepared for me to say how I really am doing. Don't ask that, because people are like oh, like you don't really care, and so it's just one of those you start noticing where am I having these micro self-betrayals that I didn't even realize that I was doing and how do we walk those micro steps back? How do we tighten up those screws in the furniture in our house? How do we strengthen the frame Paige? I love what you said. Like you started sharing the truth to that question and it was wild to see how people react Like yes, when I was like in the thick of it and was super depressed and like trying to figure out what the heck am I doing and going through all this work of like trying to get to know who, I was depressed and like trying to figure out what the heck am I doing and going through all this work of like trying to get to know who I was.

Speaker 1:

Somebody was like, hey, how are you doing? And I was like I'm actually doing really bad, and people just like look at you, like uh, uh, and that's no reflection on you, because I know instantly like internal shame wants to kick in of like, oh, I shouldn't have said that. What are they going to think of me? I shouldn't have said that, but then it's the reminder of like no, that's because they don't believe that they can take up space, that they're not worthy enough to take up space. Now, people that I'm my nemesis at work, I'm not going to be like oh yeah, I'm having a horrible day and this morning was really bad. I'm just going to be like you know, it is what it is. Or I'm not going to respond and I'm not going to care, because I've done the work on all these micro betrayals to build the confidence up in myself and so diving into personal development, listening to podcasts, hearing from all these amazing women means nothing if you don't know and have like who you are Because it'll be a band-aid and a quick fix and why we end up in these roller coasters of up and down, of like I'm doing really good and then crash Because we don't know what's right for us in it and it's not.

Speaker 1:

This is what I should do. How many of us should ourselves? To put one in the chat if you're like yep, I did that this morning. Actually, I should do this. I'll be honest. I did that this morning. I was like I knew I was speaking today and I was like I should wear something different and I was like no, I want to wear a hoodie. I'm coming on about to talk to you all about how being true to your authentic self and getting to know who you really are. And I was like no, I should do this, like I'm going to wear what I want to wear. Forget the should, but it's so ingrained in us by society that it's normal, it's recognizing it. Yes, kelly is very comfy. Comfy, thank you. And so that this is what I want you to keep in the forefront of your mind this weekend and through.

Speaker 1:

Life is like what does my ideal life look like for me, and not what I think it should look like. What does it look like for me? How do I want to show up in the world, what feels true to me and what really resonates with me, and let the rest of it go. And that's so hard, especially with the algorithms and now on social media. And it's like we're so past the keeping up with the Joneses. It's insane and really just like.

Speaker 1:

Start taking inventory, very nonjudgmental, nonjudgmental inventory of like. Like looking around your house, do I own that appliance because I wanted to or because I thought I should? Am I holding onto this? Am I my house decorated the way that I want it to like. I actually like it or is it trendy? And so I'm like, oh, I need to fit in and do what's trendy Not that it actually resonates with me and it's like, okay, what small change I could make, what could I get rid of? What are things I could go through? Start on those small levels and that's how you build the self-trust, that's how you can implement all of these amazing things and build the life that you want, because you truly know what it is and you don't build this unstable house that eventually will crumble, like it did for me.

Speaker 1:

I did everything people said was right, but this wasn't right and I wasn't right with myself. I didn't know who I was, and so it was pointless, it was empty and I that is just. That's really what I felt like I needed to bring today in this, and I knew it was going to be shorter and a little more saucy. Just a little light of fire under you. To be like this is. I need to stop and look Do I like what I like? And I will send Kelly the link, because I have this exercise that I do with clients that they really like. It's a self-discovery process. You can do it by yourself. I walk you through it.

Speaker 1:

But it's on this of trying to get to know who you really are and what kind of life you really want is, if you ask, if somebody asked you like hey, tell me about yourself, what would be the words that you would use? Like, I'm just going to let us think about that. If somebody asked you, hey, tell me a little bit about who you are, what words would you use? Like, drop in the chat the first two words that come up. I love this. I love this. Yes, I love that the words that we're using are to describe ourselves and we're in this space where we can do this. I want you to just be mindful in public settings, when you're meeting people, like hey, who are you? And make sure that I want you to use these words, because often, when we're outside of these spaces, we'll be like, oh hi, yes, I'm a teacher. Like, oh, hey, how are you? Like who are you? Oh, yeah, I'm a teacher.

Speaker 1:

And you start with your job, how you show up, like I'm a mindset coach, I'm a podcaster. Like here's how I show up for all the other people. I don't start off with like, oh, like, I'm like this nerdy and enthusiastic person, but I really like these things because that's like who I really am and so, again, that's just like a little micro betrayal. So I just want to challenge you to really look at where all these little moments happening and how can you get to know yourself in a more intimate way and just as you keep going into this weekend. Is this true for me? Would this be helpful for me, and does this help get me closer to what I want, like what I truly want, not what I think I want, or what my mom says that I should want, or what my friends want, like what's true for me? I can't wait to hear from you what you thought about it and what you took away, and I'm just going to put it out there. She knows this.

Speaker 1:

But thank you, kelly, for your support and just being the friend you are and sharing your platform with me to have this opportunity, sharing your platform with me to have this opportunity. Now I'm excited to tell you that in the next couple of months as we're, you know, in the back half of 2024 here I am going to have several of the speakers that were at this event come on the podcast so you can get to hear them too, and I know Kelly is already in the works of planning her event for next summer, and let me tell you I'm super excited for what she has planned. And so no pressure, kelly, because I know you listen, that you have. You have to do this Like it's going to be awesome, but that way you can get a taste of who the type of people are that come, and Kelly's going to be on in a couple of weeks to talk about her takeaways from this event, and there's just amazing women who I can't wait to have the opportunity to use this platform to allow them to pour into you.

Speaker 1:

First, I want to say thank you so much for listening to today's episode. It truly means so much to me that you are here and that I got to be a small part of your day. I have three things to tell you before you go, though. First, please rate and review this podcast. It truly helps this podcast grow and get the message out, and it's such a simple thing that you could do to support this show. Thank you for doing that.

Speaker 1:

Second, share this episode with somebody right now that you know needs to hear it, or take a screenshot. Tag me on social media and let me know what you loved about this episode. I love getting to connect with you, and the third last thing I have is I cannot let you go without sending you off into the rest of your day with the reminder that I want you to always remember you are worthy, you have value, you get to take up space in this world simply because you exist. Don't let anyone, including yourself, convince you otherwise. And if that idea or vision for your life is in you, it is for you. Living with this phrase in mind in today's world is such a truly audacious thing for you to do so. Until the next time I talk to you, remember, have the audacity.

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